The weekend has arrived and with it, the promise of another night out spent dancing your troubles away. That, and perhaps one tequila shot too many. So how do you handle that hangover from hell you ask? Here’s the biggest secret of all: Just don’t drink.
I got you didn’t I. Don’t be alarmed, I am not here to convince you to give up your ways or face eternal damnation. I’m just here to help you be more responsible about them.
I’m sure some are thinking: “Well, I don’t need alcohol to have fun!” and I salute you. To those who believe otherwise, a comforting quote:
“I hate when people say you don’t need alcohol to have fun. Well you don’t need running shoes to run but it sure helps“.- Unknown (but genius).
I’m going to start the show with some preventative measures:
It’s common knowledge to not mix your drinks throughout the night. However, in the case of an open bar or that one friend handing you different shots left, right and centre it’s easier said than done but your future self will kiss your feet for it. In addition, I’d highly recommend a glass of water between every drink. Yes, EVERY drink. I’ve done this many times and it’ll make a world of difference. The fact that you may need to pee like a water buffalo is only a minor inconvenience in comparison. Those trips to the bathroom are also a great way to gage your state of mind. If you’re sitting on the toilet/ leaning on the wall and giggling to yourself or are beginning to talk to your reflection in the mirror, you should probably slow down a tad.
Now, if you’re in the cab home realising the damage has been done, you’ve got to have a plan of action for the next 24 hours.
First of all, eat. Pizza, chinese noodles, kebaps, the world is your oyster. In the case of nausea, I would skip this step. You can however order a meal online (if you’re able) and set the delivery time for around noon the next day so you’ll firstly, be forced to get out of bed and secondly, have a steaming hot meal to cure you of your misery. Then, force yourself to drink at least a litre of water and have a Panadol at the ready on your night stand. I would remind you to go brush your teeth but you know you won’t because by this time you will have already dived into bed. Should the world be rotating too fast for your liking as you lay down, leaving one leg to hang off the bed and touch the floor apparently helps to reduce the spinning.
In the morning, you’ve just got to accept that you’re a disaster and will not have a productive day. You already feel like crap, no need to pile on the guilt. When you’ve gathered the courage to leave the bed, go and shower! You’ll no longer reek of last nights decisions and you’ll feel much fresher afterwards. Then, grab a bottle of pop ( Pepsi is my personal favourite), assume the fetal position on the couch and switch to Netflix even if you’re going to fall into a coma anyway. Should you manage to wake up before 7PM, go for a walk. I know it sounds absurd, but fresh air in your system will do wonders.
There you have it. The true guide to handle a hangover like a BOSS.
After having passed on such “wisdom” I wish you all a wonderful weekend. Happy hangovers!
– A Pearl of the Orient.