Am I a clean freak?

I have been holding back from writing this post for a LONG time in hopes of finding my inner-peace but when I came home today to find MULTIPLE snot stains on my couch I thought I was going to turn green, rip my clothes off and start beating on my chest. So here it is, another rant. Grab a cookie, a glass of milk, take your socks off and bask in my anger, apparently it’s entertaining.

I’ll acknowledge that I’m probably not the easiest person to live with. I’m incredibly protective of my food and am prepared to suffocate anyone who takes the last slice of pizza without permission. Do you even know the pain of waking up first thing in the morning, thinking to yourself: “Great, I’ll have some Pizza for breakfast (eaten cold because i’m hardcore)”, only to open a greasy box which has evidently been put back into the fridge due to the fact that it contains nothing but a measly piece of salami in it? Additionally, I’m pretty much a grandma on weekdays and don’t have much tolerance for large groups of people and noise when I’m planning to catch my Z’s at ten pm. My eighteen year old self would hate me. However, the thing I’m most particular about is cleanliness.You’re picturing me as the crazy asian version of Monk now, aren’t you? Well in that case, picture this.

You’ve come home after an extended weekend away.The apartment is empty so your roommates must to be out. You hang up your keys and run to the toilet because as per usual, you got the urge to pee as you were in the lift. You slam the door shut and just as you’re about to sit down , what do you see?  A toilet bowl which has clearly been violated. A person (or a bear) has clearly taken a ‘big one’, flushed and decided to leave a huge stain for the next person to clean up as a nice little bonding activity. Tasty.

Then, on the way to kitchen, a dull stench wafts down the hallway. Its source is a rubbish can, filled to the top and overflowing on to the floor. Juices and all. Someone was definitely going to take that out today, no cause for a commotion. You navigate around the trash pile only to notice your stocks are sticking to the floor. It appears as if an unidentified brown sticky substance has coated the floor and been left to dry. Pepsi? Barbecue Sauce? You’re not going to taste and find out.

You open the fridge which is covered in ketchup stains and are caught off guard by the cheesy aroma which drifts out. You poke around to find the culprit, an old, open mozzarella packet, with it’s juices leaking out. You push it to the side because you are strong and refuse to clean up someones mess again and continue loading in your groceries.

You then proceed to cook your dinner, ignoring the stove which has become slightly crusty and the various remnants of whatever meal was put together before on the kitchen counter. With the intentions of putting away your own mess, you open the dishwasher to find that it is curiously full though there are a total of maybe five items inside. “Somebody didn’t play Tetris as a child” , you mumble to yourself. You go about reorganizing the dishwasher to fit in your pan,plate and glass. Before you can escape to your room, you decide to take a nice relaxing shower.

You grab a towel, strip yourself down and hop into the tub. There appears to be a fluffy hairball in the drain. You swallow hard, take a cotton pad and attempt to remove it slowly. It catches. It’s stuck in there pretty good. You pull and pull until finally, your hand is free! You shudder and toss it all in the bin. It is done.

You feel yourself relax as the hot stream of water beats down on your tired muscles. The smell of your shampoo calms you. After you reluctantly step out, your fogged up reflection greets you in the mirror. You take the corner of your towel and quickly wipe over it. For some reason, you still don’t clearly see yourself. It dawns on you that this is due to the fact that the mirror is actually covered in toothpaste stains. You feel your head get hot. The vein in your neck begins to pulse and then…you black out.

When you open your eyes, you are standing in a spotless apartment with a fresh sheen of sweat on your forehead, a bottle of CIF in one hand and a washcloth in the other. You’ve lost the battle.

Disclaimer: The story, all names, characters, and incidents portrayed in this post are fictitious. No identification with actual persons, places, buildings, and products is intended or should be inferred.
*Not.

– A Pearl of the Orient.

Advertisements

The Asian Stereotype

Okay, so I know I’ve been MIA for a while (thank you to those who have held me accountable), I bow my head in shame. I knew that once Uni was in full swing, blogging would have to take a back seat and this semester I’ve been battling with a lovely subject called statistics which takes up a good chunk of my week in terms of assignments and contrary to popular belief, not all asians are good at maths. With that being said, I thought todays blogpost would cover the top stereotypes I’m regularly confronted with.

1. No, I am not a mathematical genius nor do I like to elaborate on the theory of blackholes in my spare time. In Highschool, I despised physics with a burning passion and I’m so out of practice with maths that sometimes I can’t even calculate the difference between 30 and 13 in my head while working at the cash register.

2. I do not spend my days studying diligently in a dimly lit room surrounded by cans of redbull on the floor. I believe grades are important but I’m also practically a sloth and it takes an enourmous amount of willpower to get myself to sit at my desk. My parents had to bribe me with an Ipod nano for good grades when I was 16.  Also, much to my mothers disappointment back then , I did not go on to study law or medicine like all the other korean kids she knew.

3.Just because my eyes become non-existant when I laugh doesn’t automatically mean I’m chinese. I know this may come shocking to some, but Asia actually consists of quite a few countries.

4.Granted, we asians do sometimes eat some pretty weird stuff, not all of us are fond of the idea of eating live baby rats or any other strange thing you can come up with. If I get asked one more time if I like to eat dog, yours is going to go missing.

Infact, I seem to be a terrible example for a stereotypical asian. Did you know that I can’t even hold chopsticks properly? My austrian friends do a better job of that than me and if you gave me a bowl of ramen, I wouldn’t be able to loudly slurp the noodles up even if I wanted to…(believe me, I’ve tried). Fine, I might admit that I suck at driving ( yes, even Mario kart), did Taekwondo as a kid, and lack ‘junk in the trunk’ but that’s all you are getting out of me!

All in all though, I do take the stereotyping with good humour because they must’ve originated somewhere and at the end of the day it’s good to not take yourself too seriously.

Have a lovely week!
– A Pearl of the Orient.

Brow game? #NOTstrong

It was this morning as I was plucking my eyebrows that I came to the realisation of how annoying those tiny little hairs above your eyes can be, unless you pulled the genetic lottery and have brows similar to the likes of Kaia Gerber or Cara Delevigne.

I don’t know about you, but I have to tweeze my eyebrows EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. They look reasonable for the next 12 hours but by the time I’ve woken up the next morning, 20 Stray hairs have sprouted again and the cycle continues. Now that is what you call high maintenance. Sometimes I don’t know why I even bother. I could totally pull off the Eugene Levy look, right?

Also, for the life of me, I can’t figure out how to fill in my brows. I’ve tried powders and pencils but the outcome is always the same. It either looks like I’ve drawn them on with Sharpie or what were formally considered as ‘eyebrows’ have morphed into furry slugs. How are you even supposed to get them looking even? I understand the concept that they are supposed to be sisters and not twins but I manage to always make one appear 2 centimeters longer or higher and I doubt that’s what they meant by the saying.  Eyebrows-ed the internet (See what I did there? I’m hilarious…) for tutorials numerous times and it is definitely not as easy as everyone makes it appear.

Did I also mention the pain? On some days I don’t feel a thing but on others, I feel like my hairs are so deeply rooted that they could only stem from the inner depths of my brain. Yes, it has occured to me that it is not anatomically possible but I’m in the middle of a rant,

I’m aware I make a lot of references but if you don’t recognise the character above then..awkward. ( Hint: Watch Bonquiqui at Burger King on Youtube). Keeping with the topic of pain, don’t get me started on when I miss a hair and pluck my eyelid instead. This results in an array of curse words and a shed tear or two.

I know it seems ridiculous that I’m ranting about eyebrows as it’s such a trivial topic but you’d be surprised on what a big difference those two lines make on your face. If you don’t believe me , check out Buzzfeeds post on 12 celebrities without their eyebrows : http://www.buzzfeed.com/jamiejones/how-damn-important-eyebrows-actually-are#.ifGoYrmAB. It’s entertaining to say the least.

Have any of you got any recommendations on how I can get my ‘brows on fleek’? And what does fleek even mean?
With that, I wish you all a lovely week!

– A Pearl of the Orient

Gym etiquette 

I know I just posted yesterday but after todays gym session, I feel like I have to get this off my chest.

I entered the gym this morning and a group of 3 girls were all working out together on different equiptment. I walked past them over to the squat rack which clearly one of them intended to use after their current exercise because as soon as I put my bright pink towel down , she dropped her stuff and moved straight towards it while I had my back turned. So there I was, standing around while she began to squat with my towel hanging there as if it or for that matter I didn’t even exist.

I try to avoid confrontation when possible and decided I WAS in a good enough mood so I casually but VERY obviously gathered my things and asked how much longer she would need to which she glanced at her friends and replied half an hour. RUDE? When I returned 20 minutes later, guess who was taking selfies with her friends by the squat rack? She looked pretty uncomfortable for the remainder of her workout as I shot her looks of death from across the room.

For the sake of humanity, please don’t be a gym slut. You can’t mess around with 4 different types of equipment at the same time and think that leaving all your various belongings everywhere means you’ve now reserved them for when it’s convenient for you. NO. There’s no such thing. Wait your turn like every other human being.

Also, we are not paying the same fee  so that I can clean up after you. When you’re done with that 25kg barbell, put it away. Not only is it irritating when it’s lying in the middle of the floor, my arms are pretty much sticks and I couldn’t lift it out of the way even if I wanted to.

Oh and while you are at it, wipe the equipment when you’re done. Though I’d love a swim after my workout, it shouldn’t be in a pool of your sweat.

And lastly, if you’re going to use the leg press as a seat to browse your Facebook newsfeed for the next 25 minutes, you can just leave. Or just don’t come back. Ever. *Mic drop*

I feel so much better already! How is everyones thursday going?
-A Pearl of the Orient.

Hole in my pocket.

It’s the end of the month and once again, i find myself scraping pennys . I’m sure many of you are familiar with the situation.

I’d compare checking my back account to watching a gory scene in a horror film. You know if you take your hand away and take a peek, you won’t be able to sleep but you have a sick urge to do it anyway. Then, you have the audacity to be shocked at what you see even though you knew what was coming all along.

In all honesty though, it’s a situation i should have the ability to control, but damn it , it’s so hard! Working in retail and spending half my week in a mall and having a bottomless pit for a stomach doesn’t exactly make it much easier. The funniest part is my brain then goes into panic mode and i lose all sense of reasoning. The urge to spend becomes about 100 times stronger. Suddenly, i’ve decided that I’m going to spend my last 2 euros on a cheeseburger at Mcdonalds and that i’ll sustain myself on potatoes for the next few days. I’m currently incredibly greatful for the 15 packets of migoreng in my cupboard. If you don’t know what that is, google it. You’re missing out.

Anyway, #firstworldproblem rant OVER! I’ve openly admitted I have a problem and acceptance is the second step to recovery, right?

– A Pearl of the Orient.

My friend posted this on instagram the other day. Had to chuckle.
My friend posted this on instagram the other day. Had to chuckle.